The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
