i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
