Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
