He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
