I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
