sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
