Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
