i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
