think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
