just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
