im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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