I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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