I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
