I need help removing her.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
