Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
