I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
