i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
