saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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