If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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