also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
