friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
