Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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