i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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