I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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