I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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