found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
