I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
