he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
