and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
