It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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