Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
