he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
