something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
