Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
