I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Randomize
