The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
