The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
