He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
