If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had to cum in my sink.
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