Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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