..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
