You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
