His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
