so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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