i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
