Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
