I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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