someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
