Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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