Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
