She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
