i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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