I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
