Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
