Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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