He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
