Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
