im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
