I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
