Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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