I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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