The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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