I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
