I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
