Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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