Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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