Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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