Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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