12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
