I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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