Small penises have feelings too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
