Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
