even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
