There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
