After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
"it" just moved
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
