i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
