We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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