Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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