did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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