There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
