honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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