I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
