i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
