I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
