I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
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I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
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I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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