I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
